


Young Lost Sinner

by orphan_account



Series: self care - a trans character fic list [2]
Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Gen, Self Care, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, tw major transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24705727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An experience as a trans person, somewhat vented out through Wylan Van Eck.WARNING: MAJOR TRANSPHOBIA!This fic gets into some of the most uncomfortable parts of being trans and living in a society/family that doesn't accept you. Personally, this is a vent/comfort fic for me because of all the crap going on right now, and I based a lot of the stuff in here on stuff that happened to me. It was honestly triggering for me as well. So, I implore you that if you don't want to read about transphobia, DO NOT READ THIS FIC.PLEASE TAKE CAUTION!
Series: self care - a trans character fic list [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785856
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Young Lost Sinner

**Author's Note:**

> Song to match this fic: The Village by Wrabel

Wylan’s dad didn’t get it. He never would. He didn’t understand the feeling of wrongness when he looked in the mirror--the frustrating anger Wylan felt when he saw his waist-length hair topple over his shoulders, the makeup sitting on the bathroom sink, the fact his chest wasn’t fucking  _ flat _ .

When Wylan came out, his father was quiet. It went on for two weeks--Wylan trying to talk to his father, but getting nothing in response. It wasn’t unusual, but Wylan was hoping for a response sooner. Everytime he entered the living room, his father would leave. After those two weeks were up, that was when everything went to hell.

The first thing his father said to him caught Wylan off-guard. They had been eating dinner in bitter silence one evening, the only sound was clinking silverware. 

“Don’t cut your hair,” he’d said abruptly. Wylan almost dropped his fork. “Don’t tell the rest of the family. Don’t tell anyone at school. This is just a phase you’re gonna outgrow.”

Wylan did as he was told, nodding silently, trying to keep calm, silencing the alarms blaring inside his head. That night, he’d quietly excused himself from dinner and went to his room, clutched the blankets to his person like it was his lifeline, and sobbed. That was how it was almost every night from then on.

Because to his father, he was Kaitlyn. To the entire town, he was a girl. To God, he was going to Hell if he didn’t change who he was. No matter how many times he prayed at dinner, no matter how many times he hoped that it was just a nightmare, he woke up every morning with more hatred in his heart and soul.

As the weeks went by, his father got worse. He’d make comments that caused Wylan to cringe, forced Wylan to recite Bible verses every Sunday, highlighting his sins. It eventually turned into Jan screaming at him whenever Wylan tried talking to him about  _ anything _ .

One night, something he said haunted Wylan. It was a Sunday evening, and Wylan got the Bible from the drawer in the living room when his father had stopped him. Van Eck simply looked at him and said, “These readings aren’t helping you, Kaitlyn. I won’t bother anymore.”

“What?” Wylan asked meekly. “Why?”

“Because I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son.”

Wylan felt his face pale, and he nodded, quietly excusing himself from dinner. He spent the rest of the night crying more than usual, afraid for his life.

At school, he felt even more out of place. Even though Wylan never told anyone, he felt people staring at him, wondering why he didn’t act like a lady, why he didn’t act like a Van Eck. He’d tried to act normal, like everything was fine, but eventually his father was in his mind at all hours, the things he’d said to him haunting his every waking moment.  _ Keep your head down. Don’t tell anyone at school. _

That was, until a teacher had stopped him before he’d walked out of class. He sat down in his chair as Ms. Safin took a seat across from him. 

“Kaitlyn,” she said. Wylan cringed. “Are you okay? Your grades dropped significantly, and you don’t seem like…  _ you _ .”

_ Don’t tell anyone at school. _

“I’m fine,” Wylan said. 

“You were always a treat to have in class,” Ms. Safin explained. “You liked to crack jokes and ask questions and hold conversations with me. Mr. Kostyk used to constantly tell me about your chemistry shenanigans, but now I don’t hear or see anything about you that’s  _ you _ . So, are you sure you’re okay?”

_Don’t cut your hair._ Wylan felt his chest tighten. _Don’t tell anyone at school._ His face heated, and his eyes watered. _This is just a phase._ His head started throbbing. _I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son._ _I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son. I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son. I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son. I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son. I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son._

**_I’d rather have a dead daughter than a transgender son._ **

“I’m not,” Wylan sobbed. “I’m really not.”

He told her everything. It was like lifting a heavy weight from his shoulders, a dam breaking, and something inside him was telling him  _ It’s okay. It’s okay. _

Eventually, he couldn’t even finish his sentences. He just ended up digging the heel of his palm into his eyes while Ms. Safin had her arm wrapped around his shoulders, squeezing him into a kind of hug, letting him wail. When he’d calmed down enough to talk, she said, “I’m so, so sorry. You shouldn’t have to go through this.”

“I just… I keep wondering if something is wrong with me,” Wylan admitted.

“Absolutely  _ nothing _ is wrong with you,” Ms. Safin said firmly. “You are who you are, and that is a funny, smart, lively, and kind young man.”

_ Young man. _ The words were like music. He grabbed ahold of them and refused to let go, afraid he’d be lost in the dark again.

“So, what is the name you would like to go by?” Ms. Safin asked. 

Wylan hesitated, unsure. He  _ did _ choose a name, but was afraid to tell anyone. “Wylan,” he mumbled.

“Well, Wylan,” she began. “The behavior your father has treated you with is unsafe and unacceptable, and it is my duty as a teacher to help my students. Let’s get you out of there, yeah?”

Wylan nodded. It took a few weeks to get everything together. They had to go to court multiple times, but eventually, Jan Van Eck lost his parental rights and Wylan was sent to live with his mother. 

It was a better life. His pronouns were changed, his name was changed, and he didn’t worry about being forced to read Bible verses or being told to hide his identity. 

**Author's Note:**

> hey if you liked this, consider donating to the trevor project and/or your local LGBT organization! you can also support LGBT owned businesses! respect trans ppl.


End file.
